“To love is to be vulnerable. Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.”
Sometimes I’m such a mean and self-centered person. I feel bad but am too prideful to apologize. When I know somebody is in a bad mood I analyze and sympathize. But when that sympathy is lashed away, I get so sharp tongued and mean. I don’t know why I’m like this. I guess she has a point though, she said once somebody just disregards your niceness you turn into a cold hearted bitch that says “alright then, fuck you.” I feel bad to know I hurt people, but people hurt me too all the time, more than half the time unknowingly. I’m not using this as a disclaimer but it’s just a thought. I feel bad.
I hate it when people lie. I’d rather have my friend be a thief, a cheater, a mean bitch, really, just not a liar. I usually trace all my dislikes and likes back to the past but this one stands out in particular because I kind of can’t see where this dislike originated. All I can come up with right now is that I don’t want to seem like an oblivious fool. Despite how harsh the truth might be, it allows so much more trust and intimacy than sugar covered lies, no? Sometimes it makes me question if there’s something wrong with me that people just can’t tell the truth: what, am I shallow?
On a lighter note and a more relevant note, I finished a painting today and now I can pass painting class! Yay!